My brother and I were staying with a family friend who we were so close with, we consider them family...we couldn't have been more than ten or twelve years old. We were staying up in their cabin in Payson, AZ. It was absolutely beautiful up there, with more towering trees than I had ever seen, and a lovely trickling stream. One afternoon Brother and I decided that we wanted to go find a nice little spot for a picnic, so we wandered off, forgetting to tell anyone when we'd be back, where we were going, and the like. After walking for a decent amount of time, we find this amazing little clearing, so full of energy and life, at the base of a magnificent tree. We started picking up fallen branches and moving them to the side, so that we could have a nice spot for our picnic we were planning. Finally, we started trying to go back to the cabin, but we couldn't quite find our way; so I started heading toward the direction that I knew was the road. When we finally got out of the woods, We had no idea where we were; we actually ended up in the backyard of a neighbor across the street from the cabin. After that, we weren't allowed out of sight, we never had our picnic, but I don't regret our excursion, our getting lost in such beauty; it was probably one of my favorite experiences in general.

Press your lips against mine, as sweet and fresh
As dewdrops on a cool spring morning,  each time
More exhilarating than the last.
I asphyxiate, drowning in the fierce glow of your eyes--
All I see is golden glory.
If this is nothing more than a mirage in my existance,
Let me die in the search for the oasis--
Your love, your protection.
You are my heart, my soul, my everything,
Without you, I cannot live.

My greatest fear? Losing everything that is positively affecting my life. Returning to that horrid state of depression that I have been submerged in for as long as I can remember. I have finally found my "secret to happiness"--the realization that depite every little thing that may go wrong in a given day, my life is not as bad as I make it out to be; the recognition of all the wonderful things in life I experience on a day-to-day basis that I normally take for granted: that I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me despite all of my downfalls..that my family life may be stressful, but I never have to deal with it directly anymore, and they love me even though they don't show it very often..that my job is simple enough, and my co-workers are truly my adopted family..that I am not doing too horribly in school..that I will have a home when my family moves away..that I have support from my father financially if things go sour..that even though I rarely see my friends, when I do, it's like we've never been apart..--and I fear losing everything that I have finally realized as reasons to be happy. 

Fury in his voice, tears in my eyes;
I cannot stop his rapidfire words,
I cannot protect the one I love.
Won't you let me?

It hurts to have opened up my heart,
For you, only to let him annihilate it;
All because you love him.
I'd have been better off following my instincts.

It will be soon that I have to learn
To live without you, dear mother.
And to live without conflict,
Would be to live without you.

We're crumbling sooner than
I would have dreamt. Can't say
I haven't tried my best; but words
Can only say so much.

It hurts to lose you so soon,
Over something like this.
I don't know how to change it.
If I could, I would.

I'm almost grown, mommy.
But I don't want to lose you,
Not yet, not like this. I wish
I knew how to fix it all.

Childhood always leaves
With us chasing behind.
I wish it would stay...
I wish it would stay...